---I Love being Married, and I Love My Wife
Life has been so chaotic that I haven't even really been able to process that I've been married for over a month now. It's been relentless, and I've decided that I'll have to take that time by force and share it on my blog to acknowledge the beautiful moment in time that started me on the path I happily chose for the rest of my life.
I didn't think marriage would really change anything about my relationship with my now-wife. After all, we'd already been together for 15 years before getting married. But sure enough, it made massive changes. All of them good, and all of them welcome.
The first change I noticed was that my sense of planning stopped revolving around the "most likely" scenarios between us. It used to feel like we were working toward a common goal. Now, it feels like we've split a single goal's tasks into two, and we are both doing the work to accomplish it. It makes everything we plan seem so definite, so real. It's even helped move things from just talking to actual planning, because it will happen if we make it happen.
I was also really surprised by how my mindset changed after getting married. The biggest impact was likely the ring itself on my finger.
The ring is a constant reminder of my commitment to her, and it reframes even the bad days on why I woke up this morning. Spending the day doing nothing when you had stuff to do can feel like you've failed your spouse. The ring serves as a beautiful reminder to do your best, because there's someone loving you and depending on you right now.
Every stupid action and every stupid thought gets filtered through this lens, and choosing to do the wrong thing is hard when you think of the love of your life's face as you look at the ring on your hand.
The last and most important thing I want to acknowledge is her. Since getting married, it's changed how I look at her. She's always been beautiful and lovable to me, but there's something more to it now. Maybe it's just my simple mind registering her as mine and I as hers, but I think about caring for her much more vividly.
I've always tried my best to care for her, but now it's seeing that:
"This is it. This is the person I will be looking at as my spouse in 30 years. The same body, just older. The same mind, just older.”
That thought makes me want to take care of her for dear life. Knowing that in 30 years I could see her deeply sad, feeling unloved in a broken home, full of regrets from a boring life, or even in poor health from decisions we made when we were younger--that tears me apart.
I can play a part in that horrible future, or I can play a part in a good one. I want to do everything I can to make sure that the person I'm looking at in 30 years is happy, healthy, fulfilled, and deeply loved.
That's up to me. I can't control everything, but I have a responsibility and commitment to do everything I can to be a loving partner and to take her to that future with me as best as I can.
Over the past month, we've experienced a series of recent events that haven't been great, recently. Hell, I'd say pretty bad even, but it all kind of feels like it's going to be okay. It's hard to argue when you have someone like this by your side.
I love being married, and I love my wife.
---untitled_operator